Category: Personal

You Matter

On those days your life direction and choices seem to teeter precariously on that terrifying and soul-destroying line between inspiration and insanity, success and failure, self-esteem and self-loathing and you are unsure which path will not totally wreck you, remember this:

Your choices absolutely matter, but regardless of your choices today and their outcome, your life always has infinite value. You are precious to God, so let go of discouragement and anxiety and do not let self-doubt (or the voices of others) convince you that you don’t matter. This earthly life can be precarious and, in any given moment, any one of us could be a raging success, glide peacefully along, or stumble, crash and burn. Still, events on earth are temporary and eternity is permanent – so whatever today brings, look up to see and accept who you are in the Heavenlies, because in God’s eyes you are precious, you are loved, your life matters. Always. Rest in that, be confident, and choose what is eternal.

A Night Before Christmas Survival Guide for Parents

Quite a few years ago when I was having yet another MFM (Mom Failure Moment), I wrote this under the inspiration of the poem A Visit from Saint Nicholas. With a few edits, here it is again for Christmas 2023. May you have a joyful and as-relaxed-as-possible Christmas!

Dodging Hell

It was recently brought to my attention (again) that there are quite a few people who argue against Christianity because they can’t understand why an allegedly loving God sends people to Hell. So, I just want to clear this up:

God doesn’t send anyone to Hell.

Really. Hear me out –

Let’s start with a brief rundown of Plan A: God created a perfect world designed to meet all human needs, gifted humans with the ability to make their own decisions, gave clear and simple Instructions on easy Perfect World Maintenance (along with an explanation of what would happen should Maintenance fail), and offered a loving family relationship with Himself providing the highest level of Interpersonal Support to keep things running along. God’s Plan A was for this arrangement to continue as it was enjoyable for Him and very beneficial to the children He loved – but He had, as stated, created independent beings with decision-making powers, and they chose (and still do) to ignore the Instructions, reject the Support, and rebel against the family. So Maintenance failed, and the world and humanity (as foretold in the Maintenance Instructions) began falling into increasing levels of disrepair.

At this point, there is no maintenance and no good deeds, personal or environmental or otherwise, that will reverse the damage. But that’s ok, because God still loves humans and enacted Plan B. The only permanent salvation from the consequences of our own poor decisions lies in each of us making a better one: Instead of remaining separated from God, we can choose to accept His promises through His Son and regain a personal relationship with God. This does not make life perfect here on earth because the decision is individual, not global, so the world will continue to flounder and slide into disrepair and we still have to deal with it. But God is the creator and giver of all good things so choosing God does provide an amazing relationship with Him, a remarkable guide for living, incredible relief, and the promise of a future. You’ve heard of faith? This is it.

Where does that leave those who are concerned with God sending people to Hell?

Well, we each get to decide what to do about God’s offer of a relationship. He takes all comers but He doesn’t choose for you. Our parents and life situations are certainly an influence, but ultimately each person has the option to be near God or not. Those who elect to remain separate from Him do not enter Heaven since that is God’s home and they have chosen not to be near Him. Although God is grieved by this, He does not go against their choice. Hell is the place of separation from God and thus is the voluntary eternal landing zone for those who decide against God. And, yes, the Bible clearly states that suffering is involved with that choice because God is the only giver of all good, so to separate from God is to separate from everything good, and Hell is what remains – but going to Hell is still a choice anyone can make. Going to Heaven is also a choice anyone can make, and God is delighted to take anyone who wants to come.

So, really – your choice.

What We Take

It is said we come into this world with nothing and we take nothing with us when we leave, but that’s not true. We actually take with us just what we leave behind — all we have given, the good we have shared, everything we have poured into the lives of others in the name of the God of love. The more we leave, the more we take. This is not the way of the world, it is the way of the Lord.

A Better Past

As parents of special needs children, we are undoubtedly our own harshest critics. We waste much of our thought time and precious energy debating the past – wondering if we could have or should have done a thing differently, taken a different approach, persisted more in some areas, less in others. Our own self-castigating voices rumble in the back of our minds questioning and regretting past actions even as we strive to live positively in the present and do our best to help establish viable futures for our loved ones. It’s a big load to carry.

I believe time travel shows such as Back to the Future and Doctor Who are popular because they feed the desire to change past choices that may (or may not) have ended better so we might no longer struggle with guilt or shame over decisions that can never be changed. In my own struggle with self-forgiveness, I have learned this: If we are truly to receive the grace God offers, embrace the present and move forward in hope and joy, we must give up hope for a better past.

We are, in fact, our own worst enemies in terms of grace. God’s command for us to love others as He loves us (John 13:34) indicates that He intends us to walk in compassion and mercy with those around us. In Mark 12:30-31 and Leviticus 19:18, God’s command extends to us loving others as we love ourselves, a clear indication for each of us to accept that we are no less a recipient of His mighty grace than anyone else.

I must point out here the obvious truth that most of us find it much easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. And yet, who are we to refuse forgiveness to anyone, including ourselves, where God has so graciously given it? Are we above Him in any way? Is it our job to second-guess his judgement and mercy? Where God forgives, we are to forgive – including ourselves. If our repentance over wrong actions is real, then the release of God’s freely given grace should be directed inward as well as outward.

The gritty inner voices of self-recrimination just slow us down. The truth is that memories of things said and done will always be with us – the wonderful, powerful times as well as the dark moments and heinous mistakes. As difficult as it may be for us to let go of that which we cannot change, it can be done and – for the benefit of our special loved ones, all those we care for, and even ourselves – it should be done. With God’s help, we can learn to allow the darkness of past regret to drop away and choose the hope, clarity, and peace that He has for each of us.

The Introvert Rock

This is only for my fellow Social Introverts out there, and I want you all to hear me right now:

You know that thing we do where we love being with people so we are with them too much for a a period of time, but all the social activity ultimately wears us both mentally and physically? So then we want to find a rock to crawl under for a while – but not in a bad way. Not in an everybody-hates-me-so-I’ll-hide way, but in a so-blessed-really-but-I-need-to-breathe-now way. You know how that goes? Well, I’m there with you, so I am have been spending some time under the rock. I am very fond of you all and would invite you to share my rock, but as social introverts we are all in this together separately so you will have to find peace and rest under your own rock. Maybe when I crawl out we can meet for lunch or see a movie together and have fun exhausting each other again. Because, y’know, there’s always the rock.

Here’s the the thing, my friendly-but-introverted siblings-at-heart-and-also-at-a-distance, no matter what anyone leads you to believe, you deserve to rest. You really do. The world in general confuses us with extroverts and – weirdly – we often get swept up in that belief so we have to work a bit harder to get our quiet time. We need to make a clear and conscious choice to rest and then must deliberately set ourselves apart from society for a while. It’s not easy, but it is worth it for us and it makes us better, more patient people toward those we love.

So I’m telling you today – find your personal rock, inform those who need to know that you are righteously and justifiably hiding, then just do it – even if it’s only for a little while. Log off social media, shut off the electronics, cancel the social activities. Read a book, cuddle with your pets, indulge privately in your favorite hobbies, and put that rock firmly between you and the world for a while.

Leap

The familiar feels safe and so often that’s a good, important thing. But sometimes we cling more than we should; we hang on when we know it’s time – or even past time – to release. We cling to hindsight because we have already been through it, and we fear the unknown. Time only works one direction so letting go and leaping is always a risk. 

But you know what? Don’t let that fear get to you. You don’t need to get brave, you’re already brave. Getting out of bed is a risk. Driving a car is a risk. Life is a risk. Get over it. The scariest part is just before you act. Pray, then leap. Once you’re in the air the view is better, the air is fresher, and you’ll figure it out. 

And Someone is waiting to catch you.

He is Here.

When you think of Jesus Christ, what image comes into your head?

Every day, every way, on more levels than any of us can possibly understand or imagine, Jesus lives. He is not a baby in a barn, a child in the Temple, preaching in Israel, bleeding on the Cross, currently resurrecting, or even wearing human skin. All of these events are part of His life and message and are worthy of breathless awe and honor, of course! But they are part of His history, not to be confused with what Christ is doing today or where He is right now – which happens to be in Heaven, at the right hand of God, listening to our hearts and being involved in our lives.

So, do these things:

Bow before the Holy Babe in the manger to honor Christ’s great love in coming to us.

Fall on your knees at the Cross and see the sacrifice He made and your own brokenness so you can repent and change your life.

Humble yourself to the ground in gratitude at the empty tomb because He miraculously conquered death to offer you a joyous forever.

Then stand in grace before the living ever-present Christ who is right here for you and is compassionate and powerful and sees exactly who you are from the top of everything lovely about you down to the tippy-toes of everything ugly and still loves you unconditionally, hears you unceasingly, laughs with your joys, weeps with your sorrows, encourages you unerringly, pours grace and mercy all over you, and stays with you wherever you go, whatever you do, no matter the darkness or mistakes – because He is yours and you are His! Reach toward the unfathomable wonder of Jesus Christ in the present and step up with confidence.

He is glorious, He is love, and He. Is. Here.

“I came so they might have life, and have it abundantly.” ~ John 10:10b

“For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him.” ~ John 3:17