Pokemon Go arrived at our house in 2016 via my daughters. My husband and I resisted the influx of Pokecritter-seeking energy except for occasional designated driver responsibilities. Not that my oldest daughter can’t drive, you understand, but she wisely decided driving while simultaneously staring at her phone was a questionable decision at best. Whew! Another good life choice! I am a success as a mom.
Sometime in 2018, we had a Pokemon crisis. My older daughter ceased playing and my younger daughter firmly stated that she now needed help with hunting and raids. Yes. Raids. I had no idea Pokemon Go was so violent. Soft-hearted sap that I am, I found myself with a new phone app and a burning (not really) desire to locate something called shiny Pokemon.
I have started to have Dr. Seuss moments. Every time I turn around there’s a Beedrill in my bedroom, a Pidgey in my fridge, a Rapidash in my bath, a Jigglypuff in my stuff, or a Clefairy in the library. The only one I can find some excuse for is the Electrobuzz in the carpet fuzz. A little static electricity and that kind of makes sense.
In an effort to instill the Hunt with reason and practicality, we recently knighted our two rescued canines “Official Hunting Dogs”. They excitedly pull us along on high-energy walks as we seek weirdly named cyber-critters who manifest randomly on our phones. I’m still not too sure about the game, but the exercise is good.
Just a sec – timeout – my daughter informs me we must catch the Squirtle in the living room. That just seems wrong – shouldn’t something called a Squirtle be in the bathroom?
I do have to confess that I have some questions about how the technology works and if there are possible oddish effects on the human brain. How does Nintendo park imaginary characters with crazy names around my house, neighborhood, and town? Are these critters just floating around on satellite waves? And if they are floating around, can they float through our brains and affect our thoughts and communication? Would we know if they did? I am seaking to understand this whole phenomenon – I would hate to think we are surrounded by parasects and don’t realize it.
But I am not, after all, a conspearowcy theorist! The whole Pokemon thing appears to be sheer mankey business so I don’t want to get too krabby over it. There are far more important concerns, such as the situations in Kangaskhan and Magmar, and wasn’t there an uprising recently in – I think it’s . . . Kabuto? Gastly situation – it haunters me.
There’s also flu going around and, with all the weezing and koffing, I’m concerned about the family getting sick. Probably shouldn’t mention it – wouldn’t want to jynx them! No point in taking a chansey. I worry enough about my husband, anyway; when he gets drowzee he can really snorlax. Perhaps he should be tested for sleep abra. Maybe hypno therapy would work?
And personally, I find the current political situation more arcanine than Pokemon Go could ever be – I just want to cloyster my ears and ignore it all. The issues surrounding the office of Exeggutor-in-Chief can make my temper flareon and sometimes the news is completely in-tangela to me! I wish there was a way to raticate the problems before I golbatty because I get a venomoth headache just thinking about it all. But enough about these dragonite issues – I should probably just take a few minutes to relax with an apple dratini.
Alakazam! Time to wrap this up – there’s a Charizard in the yard and it’s freaking out the dogs. We’re off to capture it.